


I Want To Hold Your Hand

by Mystery_Lady



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Asexual!Beverly, Asexuality, Childhood Trauma, F/M, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Past Child Abuse, Questioning, asexual!bill, drabble?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-11
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-11-15 14:01:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18074756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mystery_Lady/pseuds/Mystery_Lady
Summary: “Bill, I can’t be with you. I’ll just end up disappointing you…”Bill frowns, concerned, “How cuh-could you s-say that Beverly? You never d-disappointed us. You never disappointed me.”“Bill, I won’t be able to satisfy you!”Bill looks confused and worried - worried for her. “Huh?”OrBeverly is convinced that she'll be an inadequate girlfriend for Bill. Bill listens to her worries and reassures her that is not going to happen. He explains to Beverly the reason why she would never have to feel that she has to put out to make him happy.





	I Want To Hold Your Hand

**Author's Note:**

> Whelp, this is my first time writing Billverly. I hope you guys like it. ﾍ(￣▽￣*)ﾉ

 

* * *

 

Beverly’s lips trembled, her eyes stinging as she tries to peer into Bill’s eyes but for the first time - she couldn’t!

“Bev? Is e-everything al-alright?”

Bill hasn’t stuttered a lot for two years or so. It showed that despite his calm and patient gaze, he was as nervous as she was.

“Bill, I… I can’t - I can’t be with you.”

She didn’t need to look to see Bill’s heartbroken face. And it tore her apart to be the cause of that pain.

“Is it s-s-someone else?” He questions, clear pain in his voice but when she dared to look up to peer into his eyes, she saw the understanding in his blue gaze.

Beverly shakes her head, “No. There’s no one else.”

“Oh.”

“Bill, I never denied that I’m in love with you.”

“I love you too Beverly. You’re the only girl who has ever made me feel like this…”

Beverly smiles at that, a happy blush on her cheeks before her smile dropped.

“Bev?”

“Bill, I can’t be with you. I’ll just end up disappointing you…”

Bill frowns, concerned, “How cuh-could you s-say that Beverly? You never d-disappointed us. You never disappointed me.”

“Bill, I won’t be able to satisfy you!”

Bill looks confused and worried - worried about her. “Huh?”

“I can’t… I don’t… I want to be in a loving relationship. But…”

“But?”

“The thought of fucking **disgusts** me!” Beverly spits out quickly, her hands curling up into fists; hating how vulnerable and insecure her confession made her.

It’s been years since she stopped living with her father and she thought that maybe, once she was away from him - from his **words** , his _voice,_ his _**touch**_ \- she would feel better. That she would feel less pain, less confusion, and less broken…

~~But maybe she was broken beyond repair?~~

Bill listens to her carefully, his eyes studying her as he reaches over and offers his hand, palms up.

Beverly grabs it and holds on to him, taking comfort as he squeezes her hand gently.

“I can’t say that I understand Bev. I can’t i-imagine what you went through, what type of horror you had to face but I can u-u-understand the pain of having people who created you and are s-s-supposed to love you unconditionally, have huh-hurt you and tear you apart over and over until you’re left puh-picking up the pieces in hoping you can be the ‘you’ from before…”

Beverly eyes him sadly. Yes, he understood her very well in that department. So could Eddie if he didn’t have moments where he would deny that his mom kept him captive and afraid of the world…

“But th-things don’t go back to the way it used to and no matter how much you try not to, you _change_. For the better or even for the worst, but we c-c-change.”

Beverly sniffs and nods in agreement.

“Beverly, if you don’t want to be in a ruh-relationship with me, that’s fine. There’s no pressure. But if you were worried about the s-s-sex, then don’t w-worry about it because I’m not interested in sex. Not now or possibly ever.”

Beverly looks at him, astounded.

“W-what?”

Bill smiles shyly, looking down for a moment before looking at her again, “Bev, I’m asexual.”

“Asexual?”

“Asexual or asexuality is wuh-when a person has no s-s-sexual attraction or desire.”

Beverly was surprised at this new information. She always did find something new to learn about the boy she’s in love with.

“S-s-sometimes, asexuals have little to no interest in sex, or are sex repulsed, or would be okay to puh-please their partner as long as they don’t touch them. People who are asexuals have different experiences.”

Beverly listens to him, hanging to every word that he says.

“How did you know you were asexual?” She asks him.

“Richie and Mike actually helped me realize what my sexuality was. B-besides them and you, no o-one else knows. I was guh-going to tell you guys later…”

Beverly looks down, Bill’s words repeating around her head.

Bill remains quiet, letting her gather her thoughts.

“Do you… Do you think I could be asexual too?”

Bill shrugs, “You could be. You don’t huh-have to figure out your sexuality now. But if you f-feel that it describes how you feel, then you can c-c-consider yourself asexual.”

Beverly hums as she squeezes Bill’s hand, smiling when he squeezes back.

“Bill… Would you still date me even though I’m a hot mess?”

“Beverly, you’re beautiful and a mess but I’m not puh-perfect either. You think you can be with m-me even though I’m a fuck-up as well?”

Beverly smirks, “I can handle your shit pretty well Denbrough. The question is, can you handle me?”

“You’re a s-soft, gooey muh-marshmallow with sharp spikes around you. You’re nuh-not that terrifying and I’m not afraid to get hurt.”

She smiles, “Well then, you’re fucked because now you’re stuck with me.”

“I h-hope you’re figuratively s-speaking.” Bill teases.

“I am, I am.”

Bill laughs, “Then I have no complaints in being stuck with you.”

“How about a kiss then?” Beverly asks coyly.

“Come closer then Bev.”

Beverly didn’t have to be told twice before she grabs Bill by his shirt and pulls him close, her lips pressed against his in a fierce but no less loving kiss

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read it. Kudos and Comments are always appreciated. ^_^


End file.
